My Induction into the "Mommy of 2" Club

WHEW!!!  What a whirlwind of 12 weeks it has been!  Jocelyn Marie Kenny was born at 10:26am on July 29th.  She weighed 7lbs 10oz, and was 20" long.  I had a scheduled c-section, as my labor with Paige ended in a c-section, and my OB/GYN advised me it was best to have a planned c-section if I did not deliver by 39 weeks.  I was incredibly nervous leaving the house that morning, knowing my life was about to change.  I gave my little Paigey girl one last kiss as my only child, wheeled my suitcase to our car, and away we went.  We (not so) patiently waited for the doctors to get ready, and with one last kiss to my family, I went into the OR for my epidural.  Once that was done, I began feeling SO sick, and couldn't even answer my husband repeatedly asking "Babe are you okay" for fear I would answer with puking all over his feet.  Once I got myself calmed down (God bless medicine) I was fine.  The c-section seemed to take forever, but at long last I heard my baby's cries.  I was thrilled to hear her, and immediately sent Sean to her side to make sure she was okay.  Once I was all stitched up, Jocelyn was weighed, measured, and given a clean bill of health, and we were both moved to our beds, we exited the OR a family of 4. 

Seeing Paige meet Jocelyn for the first time was an experience I will not soon forget.  She was so cute exclaiming to the world that she's a big sister, and instructing her newly born baby sister that we don't spit.  (Note: I tried uploading the video of it, but for some reason couldn't...I'll see if my tech savvy hubby can manage that sometime soon!)

My experience at the hospital was absolutely wonderful.  I was fortunate enough to have met some wonderful nurses, and was very lucky to have developed a great relationship with them.  They were patient with me learning to nurse Jocelyn, they were amazing with Paige, always giving her a "Big Sister" sticker when she came in to visit us, and they were patient with my new bundle of joy, who seemed to love to sleep during the day, and the minute Mommy was ready for bed, would scream to be held and loved. 

I also could not have kept my sanity, or my hormones in check, without my family.  I had an AMAZING support system from the get-go.  My family was with me every step of the way, and went above and beyond without a second thought.  I am so very blessed to have such an amazing (and BIG) family.  They were wonderful with keeping Paige involved, and paid her just as much attention as they did her new sister.  They let me cry, sob, laugh, and sleep without question or judgement.  I had SUCH a hard time starting my breastfeeding journey, and without their love and support, there is not a doubt in my mind that I would have given up and just given Jocelyn formula.  I was able to call my step-mom (who I refer to as my mom, she's absolutely everything to me), day or night, and she was here for me without a second's hesitation.  She cooked, cleaned and held my hand while I cried thinking I would never be able to nurse my little girl.  She celebrated with me when I finally got the hang of it, my milk came in, and our lives became liveable again.  I am so lucky to have such an amazing woman by my side. 

Being a Mommy of 2 is not at all what I thought it would be.  Everyone tells you your second is nothing like your first...which I was looking forward to.  Paige was very colicky, and cried all the time.  She never let me put her down, and rarely slept.  I was hoping for a complete 180 with Jocelyn, but she's so much like her sister.  She loves to be held and snuggled, and will rarely sit in her bouncy chair or swing if I walk out of her sightline.  Although, Paige is arguably the most well behaved 2 year old I know (most of the time), so hopefully my patience during these early months will once again pay off in the long run. 

Paige is absolutely in love with her "Baby Jocie."  Anytime I have something to do with Jocelyn, she's always there to be my "big helper."  She gets diapers, burp cloths, you name it.  I adore my little family, and find myself counting my blessings daily.  I have an amazing support system, a great husband, and two little miracles that make my heart sing.  Seeing them smile and look in my eyes makes EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT worth it. 

The Mommy Moment

Since Paige was an infant, I would hold her close as she cried and tell her she needed a "Mommy Moment."  Those special times that I got to share with my daughter not only calmed her, but brought me a sense of peace and completion in my life.  There is nothing more gratifying than being able to center your child with nothing more than a warm embrace.  Sometimes, I would need a "Mommy Moment" myself, and would find myself holding Paige to center myself and bring me back to earth. 

It's very overwhelming at times, being a Mommy.  Day to day chores, and setbacks are enough to break anyone at some point or another.  And I think being a Stay At Home Mommy is perhaps the most difficult (yet fulfilling) job one could have.  You're not compensated in money, benefits, pension, 401K, or the promise of promotion.  You must cling to the moments that your child climbs in your arms for comfort, or has an amazingly eye opening experience, or learns something new for the first time.  To see my daughter's eyes light up, and to be able to honestly say I have not missed ONE moment in my child's life is enough for me.  But sometimes, you just feel the need to scream.  When your husband is working long hours, or your child is mid-tantrum while you're trying to cook dinner, or you just can't seem to get ahead of your day; I have learned the power of a hug in these moments. 

Now, two years and 3 months later, I still live for the "Mommy Moment."  When Paige is spiraling out of control, or is just overtired, overstimulated, and "being a two-year-old,"  she comes over to me and says "I need a Mommy Moment."  All I have to do is hold her in my arms and she immediately relaxes.  It's like I'm a soothing center in her life.  Its is then that I feel most appreciated, most needed, and most loved.  When she's calmed down, she looks at me and smiles, telling me "Now I feel all better!"  I cannot wait to have another little girl to share a "Mommy Moment" with.  There is nothing more special than the bond between a mother and her child.  I live for the next "Mommy Moment," and hope that years down the road, I am still one of the constants that bring peace, calmness, and serenity to my daughters. 

Potty Training Success!!!

Well, world....it's official.  My daughter is potty trained!!!  I haven't changed a diaper in I don't know how long.  Although I guess the diaper changing stage is coming back, ready or not!  However, with Paige, I really wanted to try to get her out of diapers before Baby #2 (who we have started to call Baby No Name because we can't agree on a name for her).  Here are my sure-fire (for me, anyway) steps to a diaper free life!

Step 1: Plan To Make No Plans

I started potty training Paige after our long weekends to Syracuse for holidays, and any other trips or distractions we may have had planned, were behind us.  My advice--give it AT LEAST a week of staying home.  That means no grocery shopping trips (make plans to go without your child), no errands, no play dates, nothing.   If you keep your child home, they will not have as many distractions or fears of going in unknown potties.  And you'll be able to devote 100% of your attention to potty training.  

Step 2: Expect Accidents

Your child is going to have accidents.  Just face that as a reality before even putting a pair of underwear on her.  Arm yourself with paper towel, stain remover (pet odor and stain remover works well for carpets) and LOTS OF PATIENCE!!!  You have to remember that this is new for your child, and they are bound to have accidents, because they don't know that going wherever they are is no longer okay.  When an accident happens, clean it up, give hugs and kisses, and MOVE ON.  It probably wasn't the first, and I can guarantee it won't be the last.  

Step 3: Ditch the Diaper, and Get Excited!

When your stock of diapers is gone, it's gone.  Resolve to not buy diapers again.  Get excited about buying "Big Girl Pants" and get your little one excited too!  Take her to the store, and let her pick them out.  A side note of this step--DITCH THE PULL-UP!  They are way too much like diapers, and will not help with the potty training.  Paige wears pull-ups only at night.  I tried to start training with pull-ups, and because they feel just like a diaper it was actually setting us back.  She would tell me AFTER she peed.  If you put your child directly in underwear, they will feel when they are wet.  

Step 4: Baby Steps

Your child is a big girl now.  Just make sure that you're still understanding of the fact that they need to be introduced into any adjustment or change gradually.  I started by getting some t-shirts that were a little big on her and letting her run around bare bottomed with just her shirt on.  I also moved the potty into our den, where she spends her time playing or reading with me, and where I would be able to see her even if I was in the kitchen cooking or cleaning up.  Find the room that your child spends the most time in, and put the potty there.  For the first day or two, set a timer and make sure she's sitting on the potty every 10-20 minutes.  If she doesn't go, praise her anyway for trying.  If she has an accident shortly before or after the timer goes off, take notice and adjust your potty trips accordingly.  (Also, refer to Step #2--Accidents will happen!)  After a day or two (or however long it takes for your child to start to understand), they will begin heading toward the potty when it's time to go.  When that happens, add ONE article of clothing on her bottom...just undies.  Continue to allow her to wear just a tshirt or sweat shirt.  This will help in learning to get the the potty in time to pull down your pants, without having too much clothing to fumble with.  Gradually add her pants, and remember ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN!  Make sure you are ready and watching for signs that she has to go.  Be ready to make a mad dash to the potty.  When this phase is complete, start moving the potty slowly back into the bathroom.  I moved it a little at a time everyday, until it was back where it belongs. 

Step 5: Plan For Successful Outings

Once you're ready to venture out into the world with your newly trained pottier, make sure you set the both of you up for success.  ALWAYS pack an extra set of clothing, from head to toe.  Socks and shoes too, because some accidents can get messy!  Before you leave, try to limit as best you can the amount of liquid she consumes.  Also, make sure she sits on the potty and goes before you leave.  When I first started traveling, I invested in underpads, and put one under her when I put her in the carseat.  I also use them when I put her down for a nap.  If you are traveling to a store or other place of business, scope out the potty locations as soon as you get there.  Ask when you walk in if they have to go, and again before you leave to minimize chances of an accident....but remember--ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN!!!  That's why you have a change of clothes.  I also make sure I have antibacterial wipes available for the questionable bathrooms I may have to enter.  

I hope these tips have helped to at least give you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  And I hope these tips will be useful in at least outlining your plan.  Remember that every child is different, and don't get frustrated if they don't get it right away.  If you've been working with your child for a few weeks, and they haven't caught on at all, take a break for a month or more if needed, and then try again. 

Here comes Baby Girl Kenny!!!

As promised, here is my play-by-play of finding out I was pregnant.

The week that Sean, Paige and I were scheduled to head to Syracuse for Thanksgiving is the week that I was to be expecting my monthly friend.  We would have been in Syracuse that day, and I wanted to test at home, so I could tell Sean privately.  So I decided against taking a test on Tuesday before we left, and figured I'd wait until AFTER I was expected to get my visitor.  I figured another couple days wouldn't change much.

When we got there, we settled in and were expecting my brother-in-law and his wife to arrive Thursday morning.  When they did, they announced that they were expecting.  At that moment, I knew I was pregnant.  Not took a test knew, but I had this gut feeling that I was going to be having my own little bundle of joy.  Sean and I talked about it and decided if we weren't, we'd stop trying to conceive for a few months, so that our family could have their moment in the sun.....this being their first child.   So we let the subject go, although inside I was churning with about a hundred different emotions.  I wanted so badly to be pregnant, but thought for sure my family would be upset, because this was their first child and I know how much you want your child to be "in the spotlight" so to speak when it comes to their birth and first few months of life. 

When we returned home from Syracuse, off I went to the drug store to purchase my own test.  I didn't say anything to Sean, I just waited for him to leave for work Monday morning.  When he did, I jumped out of bed and took the test.  My hear soared with excitement (and fear if I'm being completely honest) when the test read pregnant.  So Paige and I went to the store and purchased a shirt that said "Big Sister".  One look at the shirt and Sean knew he was going to be a Daddy again. 

We told my parents first, when we went to cut down our Christmas tree a week later.  Sean mentioned in conversation that he was going to have to watch me like a hawk to make sure I didn't trip over stumps, and they knew right away.  When I was pregnant with Paige and we went cutting down our tree, all anyone worried about was me tripping and falling over a tree stump.  My family was elated at the thought of another little grandchild to spoil.

We went back to Syracuse to celebrate Christmas and New Year's on New Year's Eve.  We put Paige's shirt on her, and when my father-in-law saw it, he was so very excited.  My Syracuse family was elated as well, and I was so happy to share this news with them.

The only people I was actually nervous about telling were my brother-in-law and sister-in-law.   I was so worried that they were going to think that we got pregnant after they told us or something, that we put off telling them until the middle of January.   We had finally decided on a day to go down and visit them at their home to exchange Christmas presents and have dinner.  Sean made the announcement and they were shocked.  I'm still not sure if they're thrilled about it, but I am happy enough for everyone, and I know in my heart that we didn't do it to take any attention away from anyone, or because anyone else was pregnant.  In fact, we were pregnant and didn't even know it when we were all together last. 

I am so very happy to be having another child.  I did, however receive another shock when I went for my big ultrasound in March.   I was so certain that this baby was a boy.  I felt so different this time, and just had a feeling that I was having a boy.  I picked out the bedding, a name, and everything.  I was ready to order the bedding as soon as we got home from our appointment.  However, my little peanut had a different agenda for me.  I had called my in-laws, and had them on speaker phone as the technician made her announcement.  My sister and stepmom were in the room with me, alongside Sean and Paige of course.  When she said "It's a Girl!"  I burst into laughter, in complete disbelief.  I am thrilled, of course, but now Sean and I cannot agree on anything....bedding, name, middle name, color scheme, you name it. 

We've gotten some choices narrowed down, but I'm just glad we have until July 29th to make these decisions.   Because Paige was such a difficult labor that resulted in a c-section (because of her size), my doctor told me I'd only be allowed to go to 39 weeks.  If I go into labor before then, I can have a VBAC, but if not, I will have a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks.  Which means as I write this I have 16 weeks and 5 days until my baby comes.  When I look at that number I honestly get nervous, you'd think I've never done this before!

I am so happy to share this news with the world.  I hope you're all just as happy to read it, whoever you are.

2 becomes 3!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right!  Sean, Paige and I are thrilled to announce (FINALLY!!) that we are having another little girl!  Paige's little sister is due to arrive August 5th, however my doctor has informed me that I will go only as far as 39 weeks before I have another c-section. I am a little nervous about that, which is weird because I already had a c-section with Paigey.....but I think knowing the recovery that is to come is what worries me...because this time I'll be doing it with not just a newborn, but with a toddler as well.  But I also know I'll have the help of my family and friends, and I'm very much looking forward to having another girl in our house.  Sean is thrilled beyond words, he love love love LOVES having a daughter, and cannot wait to have another. 

I definitely thought this one was a boy, just from how different I feel carrying this baby.  But when the ultrasound technician told us she was a girl, I was shocked, but ecstatic.  I was blessed with two sisters, and I truly believe every girl should have a sister.....the bond I have with my sisters is like nothing I've ever experienced before. 

I am so excited to share this news with my family, friends, and readers (if you're out there).  I will do my best to write a more in depth entry soon...but for now it's off to potty training....which I've just realized I have not shared with the world yet.  Well I guess I have two new topics for entries to come soon!

Make Me Wanna SCREAM!!!!

Can someone please tell me what happened to my precious little angel that I brought home from the hospital?!?!  I know that things were by NO MEANS the picture of perfection then, but at least she didn't tell me no and throw temper tantrums!  When Paige was a newborn, she had colic, acid reflux, and a milk allergy.  She slept for 2 hours in a 24 hour period, and most times those two sleeping hours were spent on my chest.  I was lucky if I got to shower and eat 3 meals a day.  I was seriously doubting my abilities as a mother.  It was so distressing to not be able to comfort my child.  But, as most things do, it got better.  Once we realized she had a milk allergy, the doctor prescribed Nutramigen, and voila!  She was sleeping through the night, the picture of a perfect child, and everyone complimented me as to how well behaved my child was.  She was going down for a nap with no problem, going to sleep at night with no problem, and sleeping for twelve hours at a time every night.

WHERE DID THOSE DAYS GO?!?!?!

Now it's agita every single night to get her to go to bed.  (For my Non-Italian readers, agita is heartburn, pains, etc)  She SCREAMS her little head off.  I can't seem to get her to go to bed at a decent hour.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  Nothing has changed.  Other than she's without a binky which she's been without for quite some time now.  So I know that cannot be it.  I just can't seem to get her to go to bed.  And it doesn't help that hubby for some reason refuses to back me up when it comes to bedtime.  I think 9:00-9:30 is more than reasonable for a bedtime for her.  She naps during the day, and I will admit, I do need to be more vigilant about waking her up before she's slept most of the afternoon away.  I think we need to start calming her down earlier in the night.  She can't possibly go from 60-0 in the 2 1/2 minutes it takes to change her, give her good night kisses, and put her in her crib.  I just don't know how to convince her to settle down.  I think we need to figure out how to revise our routine to better suit little Paigey.  I'm also wondering if it has something to do with the fact that she's quickly approaching her terrible two's.  In fact, I think they may be rapidly approaching as we speak.  She tells me no, she throws temper tantrums, and I have no idea what to even think about it sometimes.  But I know, like most things, it will get better.  It's just a matter of when!

Five Things No Mommy Can Live Without......

As a first time Mommy, I can remember agonizing about my registry.  What's important?  What's a waste of money?  What will I use, and what will sit in it's box collecting dust?  Well now that my little one is quickly approaching 2 years old (God even as I write that I find it hard to believe...April 26th will be here before I can blink my eyes!), I look back at that Sunday in January when Sean and I went to Babies R Us and registered for anything and everything we thought a little girl might need.  I shake my head in disbelief at how many things we needed that we didn't register for, how many things we did that we didn't need, and how many things we never even knew existed, and proved to be our most useful gifts/purchases.  As a new blogger, I thought maybe I would share these must-haves with the world. 

Summer Infant Day & Night Handheld Color Video Monitor

When we were registering for our baby shower, Sean was pretty adamant on not needing a monitor at all.  Fast forward to the arrival of our beautiful bundle of joy, and we were both neurotic.  We were both losing ridiculous amounts of sleep waking up to check her to make sure she was still alive.  I know, it's crazy, but we're first time parents, and had serious detachment issues.  I still do.  Enter this wonderful invention.  Even next to us in her bassinet, Sean rigged this monitor up and we were able to check her without waking each other, or her.  Sleep became easier to come by, although Sean would still check her breathing, and if he couldn't physically see her breathing, he would put his hand on her chest to make sure, which would wake her up...then we'd all know she was alive and well!

Angel Care Baby Movement and Sound Monitor Deluxe

In relation to my previous gadget, this one stems from Sean's serious anxiety about her breathing.  We searched on Amazon for something, and this is what we found.  It monitors motion, temperature, and has a nightlight (which we don't use because our little one likes it dark when she sleeps).  The only difference between the one we ordered and this one is that there are two sensor pads, which I don't understand because the baby would only be in one place at a time, but perhaps it is for babies that move around a lot when the sleep or something.  I chose this link because it's the same price as the link with only one sensor pad, so even if you're only going to use one, keep the other as a backup.  Anyway, I digress.  We have been using this since Paige was about 2 months old, and to this day, it is a Godsend.  We've had a couple scares, when she's moved so far up to the top of her crib she's been out of range, but adjusting the sensitivity of the motion detector has solved that problem.  I plan on using this for years to come, because I'll know if she gets out of her "big girl bed" once she's transitioned.  If the unit does not detect motion for 20 seconds, it will start to beep both in the baby's room and in the room that the monitor units are, in our case-the living room and our bedroom.  It also helps to know the temperature in the baby's room, so you can adjust the heat or air conditioning accordingly.  We normally keep Paige's room at about 65 all year round. 

Homedics Sound Spa Relaxation Machine

When we transitioned Paige into her room, it was a definite challenge for all of us.  While the above mentioned devices were helpful in our relaxation, Paige needed something to help her.  Enter this wonderful machine.  We received it as a gift from Sean's grandmother, and while I thought it was very neat, I never saw myself actually putting it to everyday use.  Well, I couldn't have been more wrong.  This machine has three natural sounds (heartbeat, rain, and ocean) and three lullabies (Brahms, Twinkle Twinkle, and Rock-a-bye Baby) to choose from, and timer settings for running length.  It also comes with three disks of different scenes that are projected onto the baby's ceiling.  We use it every night for Paige, it runs though the night on the ocean setting.  It's a nice white noise, and with the volume adjustment levels, we make it a calming environment that allows her to drift off to sleep.  It also aids in blocking out any outside sounds, from out her window, or just Sean and I walking around the house.  She loves it, and this is another thing I can see myself using for years to come.  My brother-in-law still needs "white noise" to sleep, he uses a fan, so I think Paige will enjoy this even as she gets older.  It's not too loud, and just enough to help her to sleep. 

Evenflo Baby Go Highchair

This is another one of those must-haves I didn't know existed, didn't register for, and stumbled upon.  Sean's family lives in Syracuse, my family loves to camp, we have HUGE Sunday dinners every week, and do a lot of traveling/eating out.  This high chair is perfect for anyone who plans on going anywhere with their child for the first three years of his/her life.  My step-mom mentioned seeing this in Burlington Coat Factory sometime before Paige's first Thanksgiving holiday....which we travel every year to Syracuse to celebrate with our family there.  I mentioned it to Sean, who shrugged me off, saying we didn't really need something like that.  Being the understanding wife that I am, I went and purchased it anyway :).  When I brought it home, he still laughed thinking we'd never get good use out of it, and that it'd probably end up being a dust collector in our closet.  I packed it up and off we went to Syracuse.  Not only did it serve it's purpose, Sean told everyone how brilliant I was for getting it!  We use it to go camping so Paige has somewhere to sit, at Sunday dinners so we don't have to take up a chair for a booster seat, and even on Mother's Day, when the restaurant we were having brunch at asked that anyone who had a booster seat or highchair please bring their own to ensure enough for all its patrons.  She still fits in it (although I don't buckle her in anymore) and we still bring it everywhere we go.  It is a huge time saver, easily assembled and folds up nicely for storage at Paige's Meme's house. 

Cleanwater Tub With Thermometer

This is the ONE thing on this list of must-haves that I actually registered for.  Sean and I were looking at reviews, and decided that this one not only kept the water clean by constantly flowing,into the basin and then into the tub, it also monitored the temperature.  As a hot water LOVER I always have a hard time determining if the water is too hot or too cold for anyone else.  It's never too hot for me.  So we used this, which fits in a standard sized sink, or in the tub until Paige was too big for it.  Once she began to sit up independently and could hold herself up for an extended period of time, we graduated to a water thermometer (similar to this) which is digital and shows if the temperature is too hot by a blinking red light (the one in the above link-the turtle- is an audible alarm rather than a blinking light).  We still use the duck to monitor the temperature, and it has become one of Paige's favorite bathtime toys. 

I hope this list has helped any Moms or Moms-to-be in deciding what they need.  There are many, many, items you will need...too many to list.  These are just a few that I've come to depend on day-to-day.  They're things that I never thought I would need, and now, I can't live without.

Season's Greetings!

So, things may not be any better with the job thing...but I'm honestly giving it the best shot I can.  I am doing everything I can on my end to be patient, and kind, and supportive.  I may fall short sometimes, but I am doing my best.

We finally managed to get our Christmas pictures done...they came out blurry....but they're cute, and totally encompass the dynamic between my two legged child and my four legged child.  I didn't get a chance to send them out yet, because the address book somehow got into Sean's briefcase (I'm imagining little hands had something to do with that), so I addressed them all last night and plan on going to the post office sometime today. As I watch Paige play with all of her toys....which take up an entire half of our den, and are slowly spreading like a vine, and taking over our entire living space...I am reminded of how fun it is to play "Santa" for our daughter.  The reason for the season is in no way lost on me.  I love being reminded of the birth of our Savior, and of the gift of God's Son.  I love showing Paige the Nativity set I have, and showing her Baby Jesus.  I really need to start getting to church more, I think it might bring me a sense of peace that I'm missing in my life.  But I digress.  While I honor and respect the joy that is Christmas, I also absolutely LOVE gift giving.  Especially to Paige.  She's OBSESSED with Santa...and is always pointing him out when we see a picture, doll, or decoration. The thought of seeing her face on Christmas morning is making me just as excited as when I was a kid myself.  The best part about being a Mommy is that, in a way, I get to believe in Santa again.  I get to put out cookies and milk, and a carrot for the reindeer of course, and marvel at the fact that they're all gone in the morning.We get to be kids again.  It's a magical time of year.And I know it's only going to get better.  Regardless of what is going on in our lives, I know that the next few weeks will be spent with family, friends, loved ones, and each other.  No matter what, we're a family, and we love each other.  And there is NOTHING that can change that.  There is nothing that will take away from the magic that is the Christmas season.  And then, we get to have a clean slate, and start over with the New Year.  I know this year is going to bring us many blessings, surprises, and happiness. 

A Little Down....

So hubby started a new job.  Which is great, he's happier there, he really likes the attitudes of his co-workers, he enjoys the commute (no highways...no traffic...very scenic), and he has great benefits.  I'm very happy that he's happy.  The problem is that I'm not.  At all.  His hours are 8:30 to 5.  It's now 7:27 and he hasn't even LEFT yet.  It's so frustrating.  It's Friday night, I'm exhausted as I am sure he is, and the baby still needs a bath, I have laundry to finish, and I wanted to do our Christmas card pictures tonight.  Sigh.  I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.  I know he works hard for us to be able to afford for me to stay home.  I just want to be able to spend time with him.  And I just don't get that opportunity anymore.  I feel like we're never just spending time together.  I'm always cleaning, he's always working, and of course, the baby needs to be taken care of too!  And I love taking care of her, it's just that today was such a bummer.  I had to eat dinner alone.  I cleaned up alone.  I'm probably going to have to give the baby a bath alone.  And I won't get my Christmas pictures done tonight, which means I have to do them tomorrow, and they won't get out until Monday.  Two days later than I was hoping.  I just wish that with this holiday season, that normally brings such happiness to my heart, my husband would be home more.  I miss him so much.  I feel like I know absolutely nothing about his life anymore.  I don't know anything about his job, I don't know anything about his school, nothing.  I just miss our talks.  Our quiet time just the two of us after the baby has gone to bed.  Last night he got home so late he didn't see the baby at all.  She was asleep when he left in the morning, and asleep by the time he got home.  It just isn't fair.  I just wish there was something I could do.  Some way I could talk to him about it without it being an argument.  I wish he was here to just talk about our day.  I know I'm probably over emotional about it.  I just miss the "us" that we were.  We used to talk about everything. I just miss it.  And I know that I'm a big baby, and a brat.  But I just can't help it right now.  I cannot stop thinking about how much I hate this job.  And I have to go to his company party on Sunday and act like the doting wife who loves her husband (which I do) and supports his job (which I don't right now). UGH.  Sorry for the rant.  I know nobody really reads it...but it makes me feel better to just get this off my chest.  Hopefully it'll be better tomorrow......

Holiday Happiness

I love this time of year.....it's a constant reminder of how blessed we are, and how much we have to be thankful for.  This past weekend was Thanksgiving, and we traveled up to Syracuse to spend time with our family.  My in laws are truly the best.  They love me like their own daughter, and welcomed me into their family and hearts with open arms and smiling faces.  I am so lucky to have them in my life, and for the relationship we share.  We also found out while we were in Syracuse that my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to have a baby!  I am so excited to be an Auntie! 

The next few weekends are super super busy!  We have Christmas pictures, our annual tree cutting outing, tree decorating, Christmas parties, Christmas card assembling, and LOTS of baking!  I think this year is going to be so much fun!  Paige is already asking for "SAN-A"  (Santa), and everytime we see a picture of him she gets so excited.  The real test will come when we go visit him in the mall next week.   She loves to look at the lights, and the decorations outside everyone's houses.  I love just driving around and pointing them out, and listening to hear squeal with excitement while she claps her hands and yells "PRETTY!"

I think of how much I have in my life to feel blessed, thankful, and fortunate for, and I realize that no matter how many gifts are under my tree come Christmas morning, my Christmas wishes have already come true.  I have the love of a man who is my true soulmate, I have a daughter who, in my opinion, is the most beautiful and amazing miracle God has ever created, and I have a home filled with warmth, love and happiness.  That is the true reason for the season. 

My Cup Overfloweth......

Today is one of those days.  One of the days that I look at my life and wonder how on Earth I got here.  I don't know what I did right to deserve such blessings in my life.  I look back at myself five years ago, and I would never have believed that I would have as much happiness in my heart as I do now. 

I was in what I affectionately call "self destruct mode" before I met Sean.  When he came into my life, it was like I was drowning, and he offered me my first life saving breath.  It sounds cheesy, but it's true.....I had never experienced anything like what he and I share.  Nothing was the same after that first date.  We became inseparable, and fell in love almost immediately.  He is the most wonderful man in the world, and even when we're fighting I know I could never love anyone the way I love him.  He's my better half, my soul mate, and my very best friend

When we found out I was pregnant...our world changed.  First, Sean didn't believe me.  He thought that just because the pregnancy test read positive immediately, we still had to wait the two minutes as directed.  So he paced our bedroom, test in hand, for two minutes before finally coming to his senses and realizing our lives would never be the same.  We had talked about marriage before the news, but decided that we would push the date up....I wanted the same last name on the birth certificate.  And we love each other...we knew we wanted to spend our lives together.  He proposed on Christmas Day...the most magical day of the year in my opinion.....and I gleefully accepted.  

On April 26, 2009, Paige Abigail was born.  After three days of failed labor induction, and a c-section, I held my miracle in my arms.  And I fell in love.  Again.  With my husband, who simply glowed with the love he had for our child, and with my daughter, who in the first three seconds of her life taught me that love can be so deep that you would lay down your life for someone else's.  Within instants I was prepared to do that for her.

Fast forward 18 months.  I still find reasons to fall in love with my family over and over again each and every day.  From "Hi Mommy" every morning to my husband pulling me into his arms at night, I am surrounded with such a feeling over completeness and happiness that words fail me.  I cannot fully put in to words how fortunate I find myself.  How absolutely in love I am with my husband and daughter.  How much I wish I could accurately show them exactly what they mean to me.  They are my world.  My life.  And life is good.

Time for 2?!?!

Okay, I'll admit it--I have the baby bug!  I have so many friends and acquaintances that are having or have recently had a baby, it's hard not to!  I LOVED being pregnant.  Every bout of morning sickness, every stretch mark, every bathroom run (which happened once every ten seconds or so), every doctor's appointment, every kick, every hiccup.  I loved it.  I loved knowing that I was taking care of my baby like nobody else could.  I even loved labor, although that's in hindsight only.  During my three days of labor, then eventual c-section, I can't say it was a picnic, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world.  Hearing my baby's cries for the first time, seeing my husband fall head over heels in love with someone who fit in the crook of his arm, and looking into the eyes of my daughter is an experience I will never forget. 

Seeing Paige grow up is bittersweet.  I am proud of each and every one of her milestones, big or small.  I revel in her intelligence, curiosity, and silliness.  But with each milestone, I am reminded that she's not going to be a "baby" forever.  In fact, everything I get now in the mail or in my inbox is geared toward raising a toddler.  A toddler.  That's what my daughter is.  It's hard to believe that time has passed that quickly.  I was in such a hurry for her to do all these things, and now I wish I could go BACK in time and relive all the moments.  Don't get me wrong, I did cherish them while they were happening...I just wish that hadn't happened so quickly. 

Now that Paige is a good sleeper (and by good, I mean 12 hours at a time and a 1 1/2-3 hour nap daily), I am beginning to look at the calendar and count "what is ten months from now?"  Don't let anyone fool you.  You're not pregnant for 9 months, you're pregnant for 40 weeks, which is 10 months, which feels like forever and seconds all at the same time.  I miss my baby....the baby that let me rock her, and feed her, and change her.  Now she wants to do everything herself.  I see her walking with my 3 year old cousin, and as the hold hands, I am overcome with desire for another baby. 

I know now is not the best time.  Sean's still finishing up his master's degree, and will graduate in May.  I just want to expand our family so badly that it hurts sometimes.  I love my husband and my daughter, and our home is full of such love that I want another person in our home to share in it.  I know it would be hard having a "toddler" while being pregnant or having a newborn, but I love being a Mommy, and even when it gets difficult, I still at the end of the day look at my sleeping daughter and am filled with such peace.  Such contentment.  Such joy.  I cannot wait to have more of that joy in my heart.  I know one's heart is only so big.  But the heart of a Mommy is different, it just grows and grows and grows to make room for the many people she is blessed with loving.  Like the Grinch...every time a Mother is blessed with another child, their heart grows ten sizes, plus two.

Family Fun!

I have been so blessed with such a wonderful family.  My family is big...loud...and loving.  I have inherited wonderful in-laws, and am one of the lucky ones who can say that I actually get along with them.  I talk to my mother-in-law and father-in-law every night.  Paige loves to skype with her Gramma and Grampa.  And of course her Uncle Brendan, who never fails to make her laugh.  She walks right over to the computer and says "HI!"  It melts the hearts of us all.  What's more, my dad and my "dad-in-law" get along amazingly.  They look forward to chances they have to get together...which isn't often seeing as my in laws live in Syracuse and we live in CT, but when we do have everyone together, we're big happy family.  I love my husband, and love that I was so very lucky to marry into a wonderful family. 

My family is HUGE.  At a normal Sunday dinner, there are anywhere from 13-25 of us.  That's JUST our immediate family.  Let me explain.  My mom and dad divorced when I was probably 12, but I honestly have no memories of a "family" with my mom and dad in it.  Seriously.  We went on vacations with JUST my mom or JUST my dad.  Who does that?!  I think I was actually relieved when my parents split up because it was just calmer in the house.  My mom married and had a son, my 13 year old brother.  He's awesome.  He's kind, smart, and LOVES being an uncle.  I don't have a relationship with my mother's husband, at all.  For some reason he just hasn't welcomed me into his family.  Which is fine.  This may sound callous, but I am better off without him.  He just isn't someone that I think is a positive aspect of my life.  My dad, however, married a woman who is A-MA-ZING! She, along with her family, welcomed us with open arms.  We spent every holiday in memory with them, and never did we feel like outsiders.  If you ask her mom how many grandchildren she has, she'll tell you 8.  And she has her little great-grandchild, who she loves to pieces.  I have never truly reflected on how lucky I am.  When I said earlier that my family is HUGE....I was referring to my "step" family.  But nobody in my family sees it that way.  I was, and always will be a part of them.  We joke that Paige actually looks and sometimes acts like she's a member of their bloodline.  I mean it.  She looks just like my sister, who looks like her mom if you were to see pictures from when she was young.  I act like my "Mom" (I don't like to call her my stepmom, because-truth be told- she raised me)...and everyone jokes that I "must be hers."  It's comical how many nuances we share.  We're both anal retentive about cleanliness, and we sweep at least twice a day.  The things that come out of our mouths are often mirrored.

I live for Sunday dinners.  It's a chance for me to enjoy the company of the family I have come to know and love as a HUGE part of my life.  They are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so lucky that we found each other. 

Apple Picking Fun!

I love fall.  I'm sitting here enjoying my pumpkin coffee....which is delicious, by the way, thinking about how much fun is to come in the next few months.  I love this time of year.  The weather gets chilly, you can smell people's fireplaces, hear the crunch of the leaves under your feet, and best of all, enjoy the fun activities fall has to offer.  This past weekend, my family and I did just that.  We woke up Sunday morning, I made pancakes for the family, and off we went to Bishop's Orchards in Guilford.  We went to the orchards and picked our apples.  Paige is perhaps an apple's biggest fan, she's constantly enjoying an apple as her afternoon snack.  I think if I allowed it, she'd eat apples for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I just knew she'd enjoy this adventure.  So off we went to catch the tractor ride to the top of the orchard. 

Once among the trees, Paige was more interested in the rocks on the path than in the trees surrounding her.  That all changed when I showed her what was growing on the trees.  I was awarded with a "MOMMY! APPLES!" as she ran over to the trees to inspect them further.  She was in awe over the amount of apples she saw, and perhaps that they were growing on trees for her to just pick and eat.  And pick and eat she did! She was in a state of rapture that I was allowing her to just eat the apple.  (She often does this with our tomatoes in our home garden, so it was nothing new to her, but I think that the concept of eating apple on top of apple is what enthralled her).  She happily filled her basket to a point where she couldn't even hold it, so her Daddy (who had never been apple picking either) carried her harvest proudly.
When we had  picked enough for apple pie, crisp, bread, and any other apple recipe you could imagine, we caught the tractor ride back down the hill, paid for our apples, and headed to the farmer's market.  There we indulged ourselves in lots of yummy treats, and got dinner to heat up at home.  It was such an amazing day, I can't imagine spending it with anyone else.  My family has grown so much in the last year.  Last year we never would have been able to just "go" anywhere.  Now, we can quickly load the diaper bag with juice, diapers, wipes, and a distraction toy, and off we can go.  My daughter has grown into the cutest, most curious toddler I have ever met.  I fall in love with her time and time again.  I got the honor of doing it again this weekend, in the middle of an apple orchard.  I think with each passing season I am brought back to the year before.  I look through my pictures, and see how different things were.  Not better, not worse, just different.  I love how with each passing season will come more adventures, more excitement, and more ways to express my love for my family.

Paigey Mommy, Puggle Mommy

I can remember being pregnant, laying on my side, with my dog's head laying gently on my stomach.  I used to SWEAR he could hear, or at least sense that there was a life inside of me.  He got more and more protective of me, and even growled at hubby when he came home from work one day.  He had a hoodie on, and was crouched down to play with the dog, but the dog did not find it funny at all.  Of course, once he knew it was Sean, he jumped off the bed and scurried for some play time with his Daddy.

The next puggle-related memory in regards to my pregnancy is the day I went to the hospital to be induced.  I cried leaving the house, knowing it was the last time it'd be the three of us-happy, excited, nervous, and worried that Theodore would not take to the new little person in our home well.

When I was in the hospital, I had Paige sleep on top of a blanket so that it would smell like her.  I sent the blanket home with Sean, and it became Theodore's blanket.  When we finally came home, I gently knelt down with Paige in my arms so Theodore could get a look and a sniff at his little sister.  Then I retreated to Paige's nursery where I wanted nothing more than to sit in my rocker and rock my baby girl.  I actually cried when I did that for the first time.  It was like all was right with the world.  And what made it even better was that my four legged child came and put his head between my legs.  I knew then that the two of them would be best friends.  I just had no idea exactly what I was getting myself into.

Fast forward 16 months, and they are still best friends.  He creeps into her room when we're putting her to bed so he can get his good night kiss and hug.  He sniffs at her door before we go to bed to make sure she's still there.  He's the first one in her room every morning, and when she wakes up from her nap, he's sitting in front of her door waiting for me to get her.  They play together, snuggle together, even fight together.  One of her first words was "Bubba" which is our nickname for him.  I love to see them playing with each other, and he's always so gentle when she goes to not so gently take a ball or toy from his mouth.  I remember being worried because she would open her mouth to kiss him....imagine Lucy and Snoopy...."ewww doggie germs!"  But I was assured that all is fine, and that she'd eventually grow out of it, which she has.  She still hugs and kisses him.  She greets him when we come home with a big smile and a "Hi Bubba!"  Every single thing Paige eats, Theodore eats too....from Gerber Puffs (affectionately known in our house as baby crack) to her chicken or apples, if Paige gets a bite, so does "her Bubba."  Sean and I often joke that while he may have purchased Theodore before we even met, he was my dog, but now, that's HER dog.  Everywhere Paige goes, so does Theodore.  If the two of them are playing in our living room and I'm starting or cleaning up after a meal and they are too quiet, I know they are up to no good.  And comically enough, they will sometimes tell on each other.  She'll come and say "Mommy....Bubba" and he'll just dance around me until I follow him to see what his partner-in-crime has done.  At the end of playtime, they both curl up on the couch next to each other...sometimes she'll even lay ON TOP of him, and they'll relax watching some Nick Jr.  I had no idea an animal could be so completely gentle.  He loves her so much, and she loves him....sometimes TOO much.  She'll wrap her arms around his belly and rest her head on his back and just hug him.  He'll stand there and let her for as long as she wants.  I love to watch them love.  

I remember worrying (this is going to sound silly, but I blame it on my hormones) that Theodore was going to think we ruined his life by bringing another little person into the house to love.  But like humans, a dog's heart just expands to make more space for more love.  He realizes she is "part of the pack"  and views her as perhaps the most important.  After all, she is the most fragile, the most loving, not to mention she shares all of her food with him.  Yes, I did wonder how he would react, I just never in my wildest dreams in a millions years imagined he would be as wonderful a "big brother" as he has turned out to be.  I joke that I have two children, a two-legged one and a four-legged one.  But looking at them, I think you'd agree.  I think if he could answer and you asked him...he'd say that she was the best thing that ever happened to him.  He gained a playmate, a snuggle mate, and a little sister. 

My Daughter, My Shadow, My Sponge

This morning, I woke up, made myself a cup of tea, made pancakes for Paige and I, and got in the shower.  Normally I let her just play in the bathroom with some toys while I shower, but on occasion I take her in the shower with me.  Today was one of those days.  I brought her in the shower, washed up, washed her up, and out we got.  I wrapped myself in a towel, and did the same for her.  After I put her diaper on her, I went into my bedroom to put lotion on and get dressed.  I propped my leg up on the foot of the bed (our bed is pretty low to the ground).  Paige scooted her way next to me, and what did she do?  She put her leg up on the bed right next to mine and rubbed her leg.  I am amazed by her on a daily basis.  We have a book that my hubby and I have read to Paige on a near daily basis, Toes, Ears, and Nose.   I have memorized the book, and Paige has memorized what is under each flap, so if I recite the poem to her (ie: "inside my mittens I've got...") she will show me what is being hidden under the flap.  So she knows where her fingers, toes, ears, nose, elbow (sometimes), knees, belly button, teeth, tongue, and eyes are.  The cutest part of the book is at the end, where the baby is hiding under the blanket, and you find "all of me!" Paige absolutely loves that part. 

I cannot believe how quickly she absorbs information, and how much of my behavior she mimics.  One thing I did that she emulated was telling our dog to "shut up" when he was a barking maniac.  I wasn't yelling or anything and I said it with love but Paige proceeded to follow me around going "shuh up Bubba, shuh up!"

It's so fun, and intriguing to watch her learn things.  From motor skills to new words, to holding a crayon, to putting on clothes or shoes, I love to watch her brain work.  Additionally I have learned that everything from "putting my pee-pee in the potty" to covering my mouth if I sneeze is a lesson.  Not only is she a sponge absorbing new information every minute of every day, but I'm the faucet that provides the information.  She was always a "little me" according to my hubby....stubborn, strong minded, and vocal about her wants.  Now, she's learning everything she knows from me.  I'm so proud of how advanced I view her to be.  She has a very extensive vocabulary- she knows well over 15 words, and uses most of them in context.  She follows simple directions ("get Mommy your juice cup" or "sit down so Mommy can put your shoes on"), and she will ask for things she wants ("I want juice", "I want apple", "I want uppie" are some of her favorites).  It's such a joy to be a mother and a teacher to your child.  I just have to keep in mind that school is ALWAYS in session.

De-Binkify Your Life: The (Somewhat) Easy Steps to a Binky Free, Happy Baby!

Let me be the first to say this.  Getting rid of the binky is the hardest thing I've had to do as a Mommy thus far.  Teething?  No problem-a little Tylenol during the day and some Benadryll at night and all is right with the world.  Getting rid of the bottle?  Piece of cake- just introduce the "Big Girl Cup" and voila!  But this binky has been the source of much strife in my life.  So much so that I've already dedicated an entry to said binky, and was compelled to document yet another one.  My daughter is now Binky-free.  And my life is that much easier.  As a Mommy, one can totally relate to your mental checklist before you walk out the door.  Diapers.  Wipes.  Change of clothes.  Juice.  Snack.  Toy.  And now, there's one less thing I have to remember not to forget.

As I said before, I was determined to get rid of the binky before she could actually ask me for it.  Truth be told, I never wanted to give her a binky.  But as a wise nurse in the Maternity Ward at the hospital told me "you can take away a binky, but you can't take away a thumb."  So I relented, and gave her the binky.
She did look very cute with it, and was very comforted.  Sucking is a natural soothing mechanism for children, and is a developmental tool.  I definitely would rather her with a binky than a thumb.

I must admit, having the binky has been very beneficial.  In her first months of life, Paige had acid reflux, colic, and a milk allergy. The binky helped to keep her comforted, relaxed, and happy.  And as we all know if baby is happy, we're all happy.  As she got older, she became more dependent and would rely on her bink for everything.  She was, and is, a wonderful sleeper, but if her bink fell out of her mouth during the night, Mommy would have to go and rescue it from under the crib.  I have no idea how it got under the crib in the middle of the night, but I digress.  Eventually I got to the point where I knew it was time to let go.

I have summarized the de-binkifying process into the three c's: committal, consistency, and confidence.  I first committed myself to doing it, and doing it in stages.  I started by limiting her binky use to naps and bedtime.  Once she was okay with that, I set a date.  At first I thought I could do it cold-turkey, but from what I've learned in this process cold turkey is not okay.  Regardless of what you'll read from experts....to each their own.  I don't think it's a good idea.  After realizing cold turkey was not the route to go for my baby girl, I limited her use to just bedtime.  She did cry the first few afternoons I tried to put her down for a nap, but it did stop, and she did sleep.  Finally, I took the binky away entirely, but I let her make the decision to give it up.  I cut the tip of the binky and gave it to her for bed.  When she didn't get the satisfaction she expected, she spit it out, played with her hair, snuggled her lovey and off to dreamland she went.  Another tip:  replace the binky with something your child can hold.  A lovey, blankie, or something equally as soothing is perfect.  I gave Paige a stuffed otter, a pillow pet she got from her cousins, and a small blanket lined with satin so she could soothe herself to sleep. 

It was very hard getting to this point.  The point where I wasn't doubting myself.  The point where I wasn't sad that one of the last things my baby had that made her a baby was being taken away from her.  It was very emotional for me and my husband because we both loved that binky, and loved her with it.  But we knew it was time to say goodbye to that little bit of babyhood.  And no matter how big she gets, I'll always see her as my little baby girl. 

The most important of the three c's is confidence.  Know that no matter how much your child loves their binky, you CAN wean him or her off of it.  Be confident that they are ready.  Know it is with their best interest that you are doing it.  And understand that while the first few days/weeks will be trying, they too will end.  And you can lead a binky-free life. 

Like trying to bottle the ocean.....

I love being a Mom, and a wife.  Believe me.  I wouldn't trade my life with anyone, for anything.  But sometimes, I just am so overwhelmed with cleaning, and laundry, and everything else that comes with this job that I start to feel like I'm spiraling out of control.  And then I finally just take a deep breath and get it done, only to turn around and see that the clean path I made from room to room has been taken over.  My once clean living room is strewn about with toys.  My empty laundry basket is now half full of clothes.  I know what you're thinking.  It comes with the territory.  And I can totally understand that.  I accepted the responsibilities of being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) and embrace my duties wholeheartedly.  But sometimes, I just want to sit down and read my Kindle, or have a cup of tea, or just reflect on my thoughts. 

Part of this feeling stems from my self diagnosed OCD.  I may not be full-blown obsessive compulsive, but I just cannot STAND a messy house, it makes me anxious.  The floors have to be swept and mopped (I mop them twice, once with a cleaning solution, and once with bleach...which is non-toxic if diluted and allowed to dry), or I physically cannot stand it.  The dishes cannot sit in the sink, they have to be in the dishwasher.  I have to clean the bathroom daily, or I am physically repulsed by it.  I bring my anxiety upon myself because of these "quirks."  I wish there was a way to get around it....to work through it.  I just can't.  And while I know that my husband won't love me any less, and my daughter will still give me her million dollar smile if I decide to take a "personal" day and just relax, I would never be able to forgive myself for leaving the house a mess.  I hate myself for making that admission. 

I'm making this vow to you....whoever is reading this.  And to myself...to come back and read this over once in a while, when I feel myself taking the downward plunge into craziness.  I will try harder to relax.  I will try harder to not be a hurricane of frenzy when I see a speck of dirt on the floor, or a few shirts in the hamper.  I will turn to this blog, or to my Kindle, or just to looking at the picture I'm going to post at the end of this entry, the picture that never ceases to make me smile.  And then I will realize that life is not about having a spotless house.  Spotless is an impossible feat with a Puggle and a 16-month old.  No matter how much I clean, there will always be a stray toy, or a puzzle piece, or even a *GASP* dirty sock under the bed.  Life is about loving the fact that you have a family to leave a toy out, or forget a sock.  Life is too short to spend it sweeping.

Mom vs. The Binky

I've decided that it's time for Paige to say good-bye to her lifelong friend, her Binky.  I put it off and put it off.  I almost clung to one of the last things of her infancy.  Truth be told, I was also a little scared about how she'd react if I took it away.  She's quite dependent on it, particularly at naptime and bedtime.  I started off not allowing her to have it if she was out of the crib.  So she'd get it before she went down for a nap or for the night, and all was right with the world.  She sleeps WONDERFULLY, and I really didn't want to mess with that.  I mean, a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, and then down for the night at 9:00 until 8:30 is something I'm very fortunate for.

Once she was satisfied with handing the binky over when I'd take her out of her crib, I began thinking about taking it away forever.  It was a really hard decision, but I set the date.  We were away for two weekends straight at a family reunion, and then a camping outing, so my hubby and I decided that the week we came back (this week) would be the week we started weaning her off.

Monday came, and I put her down for a nap with no binky.  Low and behold, my amazing daughter sleeps for three hours with not so much as a peep.  I was so proud of her.  I bragged to hubby, my mom, and anyone who would listen.  Then bedtime rolls around, and Paige is literally HANGING from the "binky drawer" screaming for her binky.  I ignored it, and put her down with her "softy" and her stuffed otter, and she SCREAMED for about 10 minutes, until she finally fell asleep.  I was so very proud of her, and myself for being strong and letting her just settle herself down.  At 2:30, her breathing monitor (Bebesounds Angelcare Deluxe Movement Sensor with Sound Monitor) which I would recommend to anyone...it's a piece of mind at first, and then will alert you if/when your LO decides to climb out of the crib, went off.  My husband jumped out of bed, and went into her room, to find her at the top of her crib, so the sensor didn't pick up her movement.  We discovered she had pooped, so we changed her, and she wouldn't go down without a binky.  So I gave in (I was EXHAUSTED, and just couldn't torture her anymore...guilt was setting in), and she slept fine the rest of the night.

Tuesday rolls around, and I take the binky away from her when she wakes up.  No problems.  We go to MyGym...something else I would highly recommend, and on the way home she's crying from hunger and being tired.  So I feed her and take her to her room...and once again she cries for her Binky.  So now, of course, I'm beginning to doubt myself that this just isn't the time to take her Binky away.  I give in, and call for reinforcements.  My stepmom (who is my best friend) and my hubby.  They both assure me that it's okay if she has it, so I decide to just let it be.  Tuesday night she takes my hand, and hubby's hand, and off we go to bed.   No binky, no crying, no fussing.  NOTHING.  We put her down, and she slept until 8:45 with no binky.

This morning  she is a happy little girl.  Naptime rolls around (well sort of, she gets fussy and clingy).  I look up from checking the news, and there she is, hanging on the binky drawer.  So I once again, give in....but this time I think I may have won.  I cut the binky in half, eliminating the suction she'd get, and send her on her merry way into her crib.  She is still sucking on it, but she cried when it wasn't working the way she expected.  She did get herself to sleep, so I'm hoping this is a start.  I am thinking that the best approach is to put her down BEFORE she gets completely exhausted.  Then she can just settle herself down with her loveys and be done with it.

Tomorrow is another day.  I'm hoping I win this war.

The first step....

I've never done a blog before, so please forgive me if I ramble, or bore you.  This is my story.  My story of being a stay-at-home wife and Mommy.  I'm not sure what possessed me to start this.  I think it's just so I can have a place to vent, to share my triumphs and defeats, and maybe to get help, and give help in the everyday questions a Mom and wife may have. 

Here's my introduction.  I'm a 26 year old mother of one.  My daughter, Paige, is 16 months old.  I am married to my wonderful husband, Sean, and while we may fight (what couple doesn't?!) I love him with all of my heart and soul.  I by no means have the perfect life, but it's perfect for me.  I often look around at my home, my family, and the life I've created and wonder "What have I done to deserve this?"  Anyone who knew me, really knew me, five years ago never would have imagined that I would have turned my life around so drastically.  I have truly become the person I always wanted to be.  And I'm very proud of that.  I'm proud of walking away from the people that were dragging me down, and for finally deciding not to settle just so I wouldn't be alone.  Only then did I find the person I know I was meant to be with.

Sean and I were not married when we were surprised with Paige.  In fact, the story of us discovering we were pregnant is quite comical.  I'll save that for another post.  I know that Paige and Sean saved me.  They saved me from myself, and from the life I was leading.  I can never show them how thankful I am, nor can I ever repay them.  I find myself watching them both as they sleep and am overcome with emotion.  I never knew love could be this way.  I know every parent says it, but I have the most BEAUTIFUL little girl I've ever laid eyes on.  She literally takes my breath away. 

We are not rich.  We don't drive fancy cars, or own a big house.  In fact, we both drive modest cars, and rent the first floor of a home.  It's a beautiful house, and together we have made it a home.  A home that we can be proud of.  This make us the wealthiest people in the world.  To have love, and each other is all that really matters in this world. 

So this is my story.  I hope that within it's words, one will find humor, inspiration, and truth.