Okay, I'll admit it--I have the baby bug! I have so many friends and acquaintances that are having or have recently had a baby, it's hard not to! I LOVED being pregnant. Every bout of morning sickness, every stretch mark, every bathroom run (which happened once every ten seconds or so), every doctor's appointment, every kick, every hiccup. I loved it. I loved knowing that I was taking care of my baby like nobody else could. I even loved labor, although that's in hindsight only. During my three days of labor, then eventual c-section, I can't say it was a picnic, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Hearing my baby's cries for the first time, seeing my husband fall head over heels in love with someone who fit in the crook of his arm, and looking into the eyes of my daughter is an experience I will never forget.
Seeing Paige grow up is bittersweet. I am proud of each and every one of her milestones, big or small. I revel in her intelligence, curiosity, and silliness. But with each milestone, I am reminded that she's not going to be a "baby" forever. In fact, everything I get now in the mail or in my inbox is geared toward raising a toddler. A toddler. That's what my daughter is. It's hard to believe that time has passed that quickly. I was in such a hurry for her to do all these things, and now I wish I could go BACK in time and relive all the moments. Don't get me wrong, I did cherish them while they were happening...I just wish that hadn't happened so quickly.
Now that Paige is a good sleeper (and by good, I mean 12 hours at a time and a 1 1/2-3 hour nap daily), I am beginning to look at the calendar and count "what is ten months from now?" Don't let anyone fool you. You're not pregnant for 9 months, you're pregnant for 40 weeks, which is 10 months, which feels like forever and seconds all at the same time. I miss my baby....the baby that let me rock her, and feed her, and change her. Now she wants to do everything herself. I see her walking with my 3 year old cousin, and as the hold hands, I am overcome with desire for another baby.
I know now is not the best time. Sean's still finishing up his master's degree, and will graduate in May. I just want to expand our family so badly that it hurts sometimes. I love my husband and my daughter, and our home is full of such love that I want another person in our home to share in it. I know it would be hard having a "toddler" while being pregnant or having a newborn, but I love being a Mommy, and even when it gets difficult, I still at the end of the day look at my sleeping daughter and am filled with such peace. Such contentment. Such joy. I cannot wait to have more of that joy in my heart. I know one's heart is only so big. But the heart of a Mommy is different, it just grows and grows and grows to make room for the many people she is blessed with loving. Like the Grinch...every time a Mother is blessed with another child, their heart grows ten sizes, plus two.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Family Fun!
I have been so blessed with such a wonderful family. My family is big...loud...and loving. I have inherited wonderful in-laws, and am one of the lucky ones who can say that I actually get along with them. I talk to my mother-in-law and father-in-law every night. Paige loves to skype with her Gramma and Grampa. And of course her Uncle Brendan, who never fails to make her laugh. She walks right over to the computer and says "HI!" It melts the hearts of us all. What's more, my dad and my "dad-in-law" get along amazingly. They look forward to chances they have to get together...which isn't often seeing as my in laws live in Syracuse and we live in CT, but when we do have everyone together, we're big happy family. I love my husband, and love that I was so very lucky to marry into a wonderful family.
My family is HUGE. At a normal Sunday dinner, there are anywhere from 13-25 of us. That's JUST our immediate family. Let me explain. My mom and dad divorced when I was probably 12, but I honestly have no memories of a "family" with my mom and dad in it. Seriously. We went on vacations with JUST my mom or JUST my dad. Who does that?! I think I was actually relieved when my parents split up because it was just calmer in the house. My mom married and had a son, my 13 year old brother. He's awesome. He's kind, smart, and LOVES being an uncle. I don't have a relationship with my mother's husband, at all. For some reason he just hasn't welcomed me into his family. Which is fine. This may sound callous, but I am better off without him. He just isn't someone that I think is a positive aspect of my life. My dad, however, married a woman who is A-MA-ZING! She, along with her family, welcomed us with open arms. We spent every holiday in memory with them, and never did we feel like outsiders. If you ask her mom how many grandchildren she has, she'll tell you 8. And she has her little great-grandchild, who she loves to pieces. I have never truly reflected on how lucky I am. When I said earlier that my family is HUGE....I was referring to my "step" family. But nobody in my family sees it that way. I was, and always will be a part of them. We joke that Paige actually looks and sometimes acts like she's a member of their bloodline. I mean it. She looks just like my sister, who looks like her mom if you were to see pictures from when she was young. I act like my "Mom" (I don't like to call her my stepmom, because-truth be told- she raised me)...and everyone jokes that I "must be hers." It's comical how many nuances we share. We're both anal retentive about cleanliness, and we sweep at least twice a day. The things that come out of our mouths are often mirrored.
I live for Sunday dinners. It's a chance for me to enjoy the company of the family I have come to know and love as a HUGE part of my life. They are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so lucky that we found each other.
My family is HUGE. At a normal Sunday dinner, there are anywhere from 13-25 of us. That's JUST our immediate family. Let me explain. My mom and dad divorced when I was probably 12, but I honestly have no memories of a "family" with my mom and dad in it. Seriously. We went on vacations with JUST my mom or JUST my dad. Who does that?! I think I was actually relieved when my parents split up because it was just calmer in the house. My mom married and had a son, my 13 year old brother. He's awesome. He's kind, smart, and LOVES being an uncle. I don't have a relationship with my mother's husband, at all. For some reason he just hasn't welcomed me into his family. Which is fine. This may sound callous, but I am better off without him. He just isn't someone that I think is a positive aspect of my life. My dad, however, married a woman who is A-MA-ZING! She, along with her family, welcomed us with open arms. We spent every holiday in memory with them, and never did we feel like outsiders. If you ask her mom how many grandchildren she has, she'll tell you 8. And she has her little great-grandchild, who she loves to pieces. I have never truly reflected on how lucky I am. When I said earlier that my family is HUGE....I was referring to my "step" family. But nobody in my family sees it that way. I was, and always will be a part of them. We joke that Paige actually looks and sometimes acts like she's a member of their bloodline. I mean it. She looks just like my sister, who looks like her mom if you were to see pictures from when she was young. I act like my "Mom" (I don't like to call her my stepmom, because-truth be told- she raised me)...and everyone jokes that I "must be hers." It's comical how many nuances we share. We're both anal retentive about cleanliness, and we sweep at least twice a day. The things that come out of our mouths are often mirrored.
I live for Sunday dinners. It's a chance for me to enjoy the company of the family I have come to know and love as a HUGE part of my life. They are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so lucky that we found each other.
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