Okay, I'll admit it--I have the baby bug! I have so many friends and acquaintances that are having or have recently had a baby, it's hard not to! I LOVED being pregnant. Every bout of morning sickness, every stretch mark, every bathroom run (which happened once every ten seconds or so), every doctor's appointment, every kick, every hiccup. I loved it. I loved knowing that I was taking care of my baby like nobody else could. I even loved labor, although that's in hindsight only. During my three days of labor, then eventual c-section, I can't say it was a picnic, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Hearing my baby's cries for the first time, seeing my husband fall head over heels in love with someone who fit in the crook of his arm, and looking into the eyes of my daughter is an experience I will never forget.
Seeing Paige grow up is bittersweet. I am proud of each and every one of her milestones, big or small. I revel in her intelligence, curiosity, and silliness. But with each milestone, I am reminded that she's not going to be a "baby" forever. In fact, everything I get now in the mail or in my inbox is geared toward raising a toddler. A toddler. That's what my daughter is. It's hard to believe that time has passed that quickly. I was in such a hurry for her to do all these things, and now I wish I could go BACK in time and relive all the moments. Don't get me wrong, I did cherish them while they were happening...I just wish that hadn't happened so quickly.
Now that Paige is a good sleeper (and by good, I mean 12 hours at a time and a 1 1/2-3 hour nap daily), I am beginning to look at the calendar and count "what is ten months from now?" Don't let anyone fool you. You're not pregnant for 9 months, you're pregnant for 40 weeks, which is 10 months, which feels like forever and seconds all at the same time. I miss my baby....the baby that let me rock her, and feed her, and change her. Now she wants to do everything herself. I see her walking with my 3 year old cousin, and as the hold hands, I am overcome with desire for another baby.
I know now is not the best time. Sean's still finishing up his master's degree, and will graduate in May. I just want to expand our family so badly that it hurts sometimes. I love my husband and my daughter, and our home is full of such love that I want another person in our home to share in it. I know it would be hard having a "toddler" while being pregnant or having a newborn, but I love being a Mommy, and even when it gets difficult, I still at the end of the day look at my sleeping daughter and am filled with such peace. Such contentment. Such joy. I cannot wait to have more of that joy in my heart. I know one's heart is only so big. But the heart of a Mommy is different, it just grows and grows and grows to make room for the many people she is blessed with loving. Like the Grinch...every time a Mother is blessed with another child, their heart grows ten sizes, plus two.
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