Season's Greetings!

So, things may not be any better with the job thing...but I'm honestly giving it the best shot I can.  I am doing everything I can on my end to be patient, and kind, and supportive.  I may fall short sometimes, but I am doing my best.

We finally managed to get our Christmas pictures done...they came out blurry....but they're cute, and totally encompass the dynamic between my two legged child and my four legged child.  I didn't get a chance to send them out yet, because the address book somehow got into Sean's briefcase (I'm imagining little hands had something to do with that), so I addressed them all last night and plan on going to the post office sometime today. As I watch Paige play with all of her toys....which take up an entire half of our den, and are slowly spreading like a vine, and taking over our entire living space...I am reminded of how fun it is to play "Santa" for our daughter.  The reason for the season is in no way lost on me.  I love being reminded of the birth of our Savior, and of the gift of God's Son.  I love showing Paige the Nativity set I have, and showing her Baby Jesus.  I really need to start getting to church more, I think it might bring me a sense of peace that I'm missing in my life.  But I digress.  While I honor and respect the joy that is Christmas, I also absolutely LOVE gift giving.  Especially to Paige.  She's OBSESSED with Santa...and is always pointing him out when we see a picture, doll, or decoration. The thought of seeing her face on Christmas morning is making me just as excited as when I was a kid myself.  The best part about being a Mommy is that, in a way, I get to believe in Santa again.  I get to put out cookies and milk, and a carrot for the reindeer of course, and marvel at the fact that they're all gone in the morning.We get to be kids again.  It's a magical time of year.And I know it's only going to get better.  Regardless of what is going on in our lives, I know that the next few weeks will be spent with family, friends, loved ones, and each other.  No matter what, we're a family, and we love each other.  And there is NOTHING that can change that.  There is nothing that will take away from the magic that is the Christmas season.  And then, we get to have a clean slate, and start over with the New Year.  I know this year is going to bring us many blessings, surprises, and happiness. 

A Little Down....

So hubby started a new job.  Which is great, he's happier there, he really likes the attitudes of his co-workers, he enjoys the commute (no highways...no traffic...very scenic), and he has great benefits.  I'm very happy that he's happy.  The problem is that I'm not.  At all.  His hours are 8:30 to 5.  It's now 7:27 and he hasn't even LEFT yet.  It's so frustrating.  It's Friday night, I'm exhausted as I am sure he is, and the baby still needs a bath, I have laundry to finish, and I wanted to do our Christmas card pictures tonight.  Sigh.  I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.  I know he works hard for us to be able to afford for me to stay home.  I just want to be able to spend time with him.  And I just don't get that opportunity anymore.  I feel like we're never just spending time together.  I'm always cleaning, he's always working, and of course, the baby needs to be taken care of too!  And I love taking care of her, it's just that today was such a bummer.  I had to eat dinner alone.  I cleaned up alone.  I'm probably going to have to give the baby a bath alone.  And I won't get my Christmas pictures done tonight, which means I have to do them tomorrow, and they won't get out until Monday.  Two days later than I was hoping.  I just wish that with this holiday season, that normally brings such happiness to my heart, my husband would be home more.  I miss him so much.  I feel like I know absolutely nothing about his life anymore.  I don't know anything about his job, I don't know anything about his school, nothing.  I just miss our talks.  Our quiet time just the two of us after the baby has gone to bed.  Last night he got home so late he didn't see the baby at all.  She was asleep when he left in the morning, and asleep by the time he got home.  It just isn't fair.  I just wish there was something I could do.  Some way I could talk to him about it without it being an argument.  I wish he was here to just talk about our day.  I know I'm probably over emotional about it.  I just miss the "us" that we were.  We used to talk about everything. I just miss it.  And I know that I'm a big baby, and a brat.  But I just can't help it right now.  I cannot stop thinking about how much I hate this job.  And I have to go to his company party on Sunday and act like the doting wife who loves her husband (which I do) and supports his job (which I don't right now). UGH.  Sorry for the rant.  I know nobody really reads it...but it makes me feel better to just get this off my chest.  Hopefully it'll be better tomorrow......