Like trying to bottle the ocean.....

I love being a Mom, and a wife.  Believe me.  I wouldn't trade my life with anyone, for anything.  But sometimes, I just am so overwhelmed with cleaning, and laundry, and everything else that comes with this job that I start to feel like I'm spiraling out of control.  And then I finally just take a deep breath and get it done, only to turn around and see that the clean path I made from room to room has been taken over.  My once clean living room is strewn about with toys.  My empty laundry basket is now half full of clothes.  I know what you're thinking.  It comes with the territory.  And I can totally understand that.  I accepted the responsibilities of being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) and embrace my duties wholeheartedly.  But sometimes, I just want to sit down and read my Kindle, or have a cup of tea, or just reflect on my thoughts. 

Part of this feeling stems from my self diagnosed OCD.  I may not be full-blown obsessive compulsive, but I just cannot STAND a messy house, it makes me anxious.  The floors have to be swept and mopped (I mop them twice, once with a cleaning solution, and once with bleach...which is non-toxic if diluted and allowed to dry), or I physically cannot stand it.  The dishes cannot sit in the sink, they have to be in the dishwasher.  I have to clean the bathroom daily, or I am physically repulsed by it.  I bring my anxiety upon myself because of these "quirks."  I wish there was a way to get around it....to work through it.  I just can't.  And while I know that my husband won't love me any less, and my daughter will still give me her million dollar smile if I decide to take a "personal" day and just relax, I would never be able to forgive myself for leaving the house a mess.  I hate myself for making that admission. 

I'm making this vow to you....whoever is reading this.  And to myself...to come back and read this over once in a while, when I feel myself taking the downward plunge into craziness.  I will try harder to relax.  I will try harder to not be a hurricane of frenzy when I see a speck of dirt on the floor, or a few shirts in the hamper.  I will turn to this blog, or to my Kindle, or just to looking at the picture I'm going to post at the end of this entry, the picture that never ceases to make me smile.  And then I will realize that life is not about having a spotless house.  Spotless is an impossible feat with a Puggle and a 16-month old.  No matter how much I clean, there will always be a stray toy, or a puzzle piece, or even a *GASP* dirty sock under the bed.  Life is about loving the fact that you have a family to leave a toy out, or forget a sock.  Life is too short to spend it sweeping.